It might be a little tricky for the adoptive parents to determine when to tell a child they are adopted. Many adoption workers suggest introducing the term “adoption” to the child as early as possible so that they are comfortable about it and becomes a part of their good vocabulary between the ages of 2 to 4 that they are adopted.
It might be formidable for a few parents to tell their child is adopted. They usually chose to put it off and avoid. However, at some point in life, the child must be told about their origin preferably before their mid-childhood. In the school, the children start asking questions like where babies come from etc., which is a good time to introduce the kids to their background.
Well, age is an important aspect but how to tell your child about adoption is another. You must importantly decide and discuss with your partner as to how you want to tell your child about it. It is obvious that a child understanding of adoption changes as they mature. However comma you have to be prepared in such a way that it does not turn out to be shocking to them.
How to Tell Your Child About Adoption?
The things you should say in order to make it easy and positive about adoption for the child.
- Keep your explanation simple, honest and direct.
- In easy words explain that the child was not born to you.
- Tell them that they were born to other parents who could not take care of the kids and hence you chose to adopt the baby.
- Tell them about how much you and your partner wanted the trial and explain the process you went through with that clear understanding.
- Allow your child to ask questions and answer them as far as possible honestly.
- If they want to know what happened to the mummy and daddy, and where are they are? Answer in simple words sharing the right information but you do not have to go into extreme details. You won’t answer the question properly in order for their curiosity to settle and appropriate according to their maturity level.
How to Explain Adoption to a Child
You must tell children about their adoption the moment the child understands a little. In such a way it does not turn out to be a huge shock or surprise to them. As the above points mentioned, you must keep it simple and appropriate to the child’s age. It is good to let them know before the age of 5 that they are adopted and it is a very positive and happy way to make a family. You must also emphasize on the note that you are going to be always a family forever. It is okay to let them know that a different man and a woman made the baby but you are the family now.
If you’ve adopted the child as a baby you must also tell stories about how the baby was and how you learned about them. Let them know the place you united and some other talk to make the child comfortable with the weather on that day, or how much excitement you were to bring the child home. Share your beautiful memories and let it become the memory for your child. You can also make it a routine to discuss or speak about a child’s adoption and make them comfortable and happy to come into your life.
Do not criticize or ignore the birth parents. The birth parents must be part of your adoption story such that they are comfortable talking about them and feeling that there was nothing wrong with them. And also, as a matter of fact, it is for you to understand that the birth parents will always be a part of your child’s life. Whether whatever the conditions could be, they are the reason for your child.
How and When You Should Tell Your Child they are Adopted?
There are few points to keep the lines of communication open and make it easy for you and your child.
1. Take your time to Explain to Your Child:
You do not have to haste into it. Sit with your child and explain everything. You might want to choose a day when your child is happy and in the right mind frame to understand the story. Do not have any extra person other than yourself the child and your partner. The child must believe in you and secure that this is completely confidential information. This ensures to make it easy for them to digest and feel important.
2. Do Not Wait for Your Kids to Ask Questions:
Kids ask questions particularly about the birth of their parents. But, in case they have a clue that they are adopted they might not tend to ask questions because they don’t want to hurt the feeling of their parents. Or probably assume that you are not comfortable talking about the adoption.
The best way to go about it to start a conversation could be if your child is too much into art or any other hobby, you could say “You are excellent at this, wonder if your birth mom was good at it too?” There’s a possibility that your child good someday be upset or angry and might yell saying you are not the real mother.
This might be hurting and painful but, it is also an opportunity to start a conversation by saying “do you ever wonder what your mother or father would have done?” That helps your child to start talking about how they were adopted and feel secure to share their thoughts.
3. Your Child Should be Aware of the Difference:
If your adopted child is of a different race or has a very different physical appearance and features from your family, you must be aware and understand that they know the difference. You want your child to understand about this before anybody comments, or they themselves notice the changes.
Explain your child at the birth process is the same for everyone but there are people who look different in different cultures especially their physical features their rich heritage. You must assure that you love the child and looking different doesn’t matter.
4. Disclose at the Right Time:
You must not wait until to tell your kids they are adopted especially until they turn to be adolescence, as it could be devastating for the child. Disclosure at the right time is important to maintain the child’s self-esteem and to have faith in their parents.
