Considering the phase and age factor of your toddler, it is elemental that they are going to be defiant to a certain level. As parents you might be in a bundle of nerves at this juncture of parenting as you are new parents and it must be out of the usual for you to witness this, however, wouldn’t you do it for you phycology little baby?
Every baby comes with his/her trait and do not forget they inherit it from you too. Do not get into these hassles of comparing your baby’s behavior to another baby, they are all same but the way they react varies and eventually, it is a phase that shall pass and it is nothing else but learning.
To have said that, you would have to look at the psychology or natural tendency of a baby’s behavior at this age, they only have the ability to connect and understand you through attachment and emotions.
They fail to understand why are they defiant in the first place, this is because they lack the ability to understand what is right, wrong, good and bad. Yet, if you think your baby has a hyper reaction and it has to be ceased immediately, then you should take charge of this behavior and help your baby learn.
This article focuses on helping you work on constructive ways to deal with a defiant toddler, which would need your patience and maturity to help your baby get through this phase a better way.
[Read: Behavioral Problems in Children]
What Is Defiant Behaviour?
For your understanding it is essential to first understand that until your baby completes 18 months, he/she does not have the sense to understand logical and practical things and obviously not be able to express it to you because they can’t speak, you have to understand it in their actions, we are good so far?
Now, let us understand that defiant behavior is an outburst of your child’s positive a well as negative emotions without realizing whether it is positive or negative they tend to burst out. Adding to this, have you experienced your baby being defiant by crying uncontrollably loud if you snatched something from his/her hand? This happens, isn’t it?
To further explain it, when this defiant behavior is not normal and it gets a step beyond that then it is been termed as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Relax! It is not a big disease it is just been given a term so that deep diving into it gets easier.
What Are The Causes And Problems Of A Defiant Toddler ?
Babies with a defiant disorder usually tend to be harsh with their parents, siblings or caretakers. Let us look at what are the causes and problems of this behavior.
Cause No 1 – Defiant toddlers do not have control over their temper and if you look at it one way it is a part of their growing up phase.
Cause No 2 – There is a possibility that during the early infancy phase there might be problems that your baby is going through because of the environment.
Cause No 3 – Maybe the baby is deprived of a parent’s love, care and attention that is why the baby becomes defiant.
Cause No 4 – The baby is not taken care of initially which leads to the baby getting violent later.
Cause No 5 – A baby can sense vibes and learns exactly what is in the environment and maybe your baby’s environment is surrounded by problems and negativity.
Cause No 6 – Maybe a baby intentionally behaves defiant in a lookout for too much attention.
Cause No 7 – At times, a toddler is defiant because he/she takes those qualities from his parents or it is got to do with the mother’s behavior during pregnancy. This is one of the most evident cause.
Having said, there are diverse causes for a baby to be defiant and it must not be easy on them as well because they go through the mentioned below problems. Here is a list of them
Problem No 1 – When your baby gets into arguments and does not listen to you
Problem No 2 – Your little one is hell bent on not listening to you or the other elders at home
Problem No 3 – The child does not follow any rules
Problem No 4 – Most of the time your child is an angry baby
Problem No 5 – Choosing a harsh way to respond
However, having looked at all the problems there is always a way to deal with it but how well your child responds and gets better is on you, stay at ease and you will be able to see your toddler improve in terms of his/her behavior. Look at some of the tips to deal with a defiant toddler.
Tips To Deal With A Defiant Toddler – Implement Them!
You need to really relax and deal with it, its no big deal if your toddler is defiant, it is in a way a healthy sign because that’s a part and parcel of growing up. If it does not happen now and happens when your toddler is a big girl or boy, just think of how bad would the consequences be? That being said, you as parents have to do your duty to show your child the right path, it is just as simple as that, so you take it easy first. Here you go with simple and doable tips to help your defiant toddler.
At times when you are not in the right frame of mind, you might end up screaming at your toddler for his/her aggressive behavior. You may even lose your cool, see to it that you try and not lose your temper and say harsh things to your child because it would just worsen things for you. Deal with your toddler’s defiant behavior as patiently as you can.
[Read: Ways To Stimulate Intellectual Development]
Tip No 1 – Introspect Your Behaviour
Directly or indirectly, you just never know but your baby must be watching and learning from you. It does not mean your behavior is the root cause. But as you are on a lookout for a solution, do a close introspection on how do the two of you behave in front of your child. You never know but your child is beginning to become what he/she is watching.
Good In This Tip
The good about doing this means you would know that you have to maintain your limitations in terms of how you are expressing your emotions in front of your child. Avoid getting mad and aggressive with each other in front of your child. It is just that your child is learning the same.
Tip No 2 – Take Into Account Every Move Of Your Child
Both of you as parents would have to sit together to understand your child’s behavior pattern. For instance, think of why is your child so aggressive? Is it both of your behavior that is causing this to happen or some problem within the family? consider all the aspects and think of how the two of you want to respond to your child when you see him/her being defiant.
Good In This Tip
When a mother and father sit together to discuss a child’s problem, chances are that a resolution to the concern is assured and moreover your baby would like to be treated just the same from both parents.
Tip No 3 – Sweetly Say ‘No’
It is not a doddle to sometimes validate what your child wants whilst you know that it is bad for your child. To keep your child’s heart, you would have to smartly say a no. In other words, you have to know how to strike your motherly or fatherly affection here.
If you want to save your child from something that you do not like you have to understand your child and sweetly say a no so that your child is not raged unnecessarily.
For instance, if your child insists on wanting to each too many chocolates, you would have to tell your child , ‘ Yes, chocolates are no doubt yummy, having a little of it is still okay, when you have a lot of chocolates you are going to have cavities in your tooth, do you want too much pain? ‘ This is how you have to be smart.
Good In This Tip
Your baby is less likely to feel frustrated because you are giving a good reason and above all the manner in which you say all these matters a lot.
Tip No 4 – Assure Your Child That You Understand
It is not just grown up people who can sense what it is to be understood, even little kids understand it. Therefore, think of how your baby feels, show her that you are understanding her pain or anger. Express empathy in your tone and use words that really mean what you are expressing.
For instance, if your child complains to you about another child, you should say something like this ‘Oh that is bad, I understand how you feel, do not worry we I will talk to your friend’
Good In This Tip
It is essential that you do this because only then your child will feel the attention and you need to give your child that level of comfort if you do not want your child to be a defiant one.
Tip No 5 – Provide Alternatives To Your Baby
Indirectly saying a No to your child might seem disappointing and if you do not want your child to feel disappointed then the best way to get away with it without making your baby sad is by giving your child better alternatives when you oppose something.
It is not possible that you could find alternatives for your baby always. However you can find some alternatives and if you get them, nothing like it. For instance, your baby is insistent about getting her a toy and is stubborn about it and you know that it would be of no use to her or she would end up spoiling it quickly, you could choose on something that’s going to be useful and good for her by talking about good things about the toy you think is suitable for your baby. This way you will tackle it.
Good In This Tip:
Your baby may deny it but at the back of your baby’s mind there would not be angry or he/she won’t be sulking within.
Tip 6 – Become A Toddler With Your Toddler
Parents must see to it that they have fun with their child just like another child. This means, your child needs your undivided attention and would love it if you got involved with him/her equally. This not just makes your child feel nice but it also strengthens your bond with your toddler.
Good In This Tip:
Your child will not have a scope to show defiance because he/she would be elated that the parents are around and would not feel deprived of attention and love.
Tip 7 – Teach Your Child To Draw Lines
As your toddler lacks the ability to understand what to do and what not to do, you have to know when to ask your child to stay in control. In certain situations you cannot afford to let your child be, you would have to put your foot down and in a good way stop your child and teach him/her to draw that line, at times you may have to be harsh when things get offbeat. Teach your child to know he/she cannot hurt people, teach your child the signs of good behavior and bad behavior. You have to be wise and sensible in the way you put it across to your child.
Good In This Tip:
Your child will know his/her limitations even while being defiant. Initially, your child would not learn it, it will happen gradually.
Tip No 8 – Use Creativity To Get Your Child Listen To You
Just like how your mom would have done it to you when you were a baby, you would have to do the same with your baby. If you are finding it tough to divert your child’s attention. Can you guess what it must be like? It is an easy guess to make.
Try the story game, tell your baby a nice story that attracts him/her to listen to you. Instantly, you will see a change in your baby’s behavior and instead of saying a no, your baby will get convinced to do what you want him/her to do. For instance, if your baby is not listening to you to get freshened, just do not give in to it, tell him/her something like this ‘ We need to sleep clean so that the angels in heaven come and gift us something, don’t you want a nice gift?’ Try this trick, it worked with you, chances are that it will work with your baby as well.
Good In This Tip :
Your baby will start listening to you and start getting creative in his/her thought process.
Tip No 9 – Ignore Your Little Baby Screeching
Toddlers create havoc just to have your ears and eyes on them. You have to understand the thin line in the attention you give. It means you have to know when is it appropriate to give them attention. If you give them attention when they are asking for it by crying or screeching then there is a chance that they will take it for granted and keep doing the same. You do not want your child to be like that, isn’t it?
If you ignore your child when they are adopting violent means to get it, at some point they themselves would get tired of doing so and eventually they will realize that it is of no use to try to grap your attention that way.
Good In This Tip :
They will just not get spoilt attention seekers which would be helpful for them in the long run.
Tip No 10 – Make Your Child Feel Positive
If you were never appreciated for the good you do or for your achievements, wouldn’t that demotivate you? It is the same with the tiny tots, just as you seek being acknowledged they consciously do not seek it but consciously they would love receiving it and this would help them stay calmer and then you would not have to deal with their defiant behavior.
One of the ways to make your kid feel positive is by making use of words like wow, good girl or good boy, you are the best baby, etc to make them feel good. Appreciate your baby on little things, for example, if your baby finished eating a meal quick, make use of a positive word to appreciate them. There is true power in appreciation.
Good In This Tip :
When does a child behave defiant? It is simple when he/she is not given the love and attention or maybe the child tends to develop anger overtime after observing parents. When you cut out on negativity and fill your child with positive words, your child gains confidence as well as stops getting defiant.
All things considered, a child being defiant is a part of babyhood, do not panic and feel like everything is going to go haywire when your child grows up, hold on and breathe it is just his age.
Be supportive parents and stay by your child when he/she is defiant. Children can be molded, provided you hold their hand guide them in the sweetest way possible and at the same time making them realize that they are not allowed to do wrong things.
