Do you think your child has difficulties controlling their anger? Do they get aggressive and show some bizarre behaviour like hitting, punching, biting, yelling and spitting or fighting? Do they lose control easily and show tantrums? Remember that you are not alone. We have received questions from a large number of parents asking “how to manage anger management for kids?” We are here to help you on the same.
Firstly, as a parent, did you ever try to find out what caused the kid to behave wackily? It is not necessary always that the kid was angry and he displayed it as an outburst. Did you think about the fact that there could be some intense feeling inside them, causing them to unleash their anger and frustration in a way? This could be a significant reason for a kid to fall into the pit of depression and never come up. A lot of parents might have even ignored it as misconduct or thinking that the kid has anxiety or attention seeking stunts! But your first step is to help your kid to recognize that your kid might be facing anger issues and might even need children management lessons.
Anger and frustration can get into defiance, disrespect or aggression very quickly into kids. No wonder why you see temper tantrums being thrown by your little one! The child is fundamentally unable to deal with the emotions and incapable of showing their feelings in an appropriate manner socially.
What does anger management mean for kids?
Anger is an emotion, and it drums up a response to danger or any self-defensive expression to declare independence or liberty. There could be umpteen things to trigger anger in a kid. The results could be different if this triggered anger – either frustration or depression etc. Maybe the kid might have had friends who beat him up and that made him scared. But gradually he might as well learn to retaliate by biting, spitting and fighting back. Usually, when the kids start to go to kindergarten, the anxiety and impulsive urges begin to show up. If not unnoticed or ignored, they are more susceptible to exhibit forms of aggression, whining and sulking.
They are very young, and there are varied reasons for the kids to be angry about. They are not independent or allowed to do everything on their own! Failure being the first step for them to learn, they might have to listen to almost every elder saying what to do. Few kids might be forced to do what the elders ask of them. Aren’t they bound to overreact in such extreme cases? They get into their defensive mode by getting offensive, and at this stage of high impulse, their emotions are painful to be controlled. They also weaken their ability to listen, perceive, and understand the condition or the other person. Adults might just find this situation as obvious, but they need to have anger management class for kids. As a parent, you are the more matured and adult of the two and should be able to understand and pacify the kid by acknowledging them by saying “I can understand that you are angry right now”. Find out what triggered this anger burst. Maybe another kid snatched their toy or threatened them by hurting etc. If you close the doors for your kid’s spurt of emotions, you lose the trust too.
Child Anger Management Strategies
There is some best child anger management techniques listed for you to help your kid. Each child is different, so best is to use these child anger management strategies as a trial and error method or in conjunction. If any of these looked to affect your child, then focus and practice it again and again until your child starts to use it on their own. Of course, it is going to be difficult to put them into the habit of it, but they learn with time. Here are few ways to teach anger management skills to kids:
1. Learning by example:
Modeling how to deal with such angry, frustrating situations for real makes them aware of the ways to cope up with it. If your child sees you flaring up, it is most likely that they’ll do the same. But if they see you kindly deal with your feelings, they pick that up too. Also, when you do lose your calm, explain the situation to your child and say that you could have handled it in a better way by doing …..Also, teach them empathy and forgiveness. For example: while you are driving and you might have a car swatting through, you respond saying “I usually get mad in such a situation but maybe the person had some urgencies, so it is okay”.
2. Develop a feeling expression:
Many kids are prone to display aggression such as biting, yelling, hitting, kicking etc. Teach them how they can express their anger any other way. They need an emotional vocabulary to express how they sense such situations. Words like anger, agitation, furious, tense, nervous, ricked off, edgy, panicky, worried, apprehensive, anxious, frightened can be taught along with their meaning. And then, once they know, ask the kid to speak about their anger. Even though the next time the kid is angry, they might yell saying “I am mad at you!” Do not try to overpower and discipline the child as this is what you expect of them to open out their anger and unleash it instead to keep it within and feel frustrated just to end up bursting out one little situation.
3. Calm down:
Teach your child to use some other distractions to calm down. Tell them when there are situations of anger, count until 50 or take deep breaths, drink a glass of water, listen to songs or just play with toys.
4. Think before you act:
Teach your kid to access a situation and empathize with the person in front. For example, if the younger sibling snatches the pen from the elder one’s hand, they should know that the little one just wants to have some fun and attention. Ask your kid to think before they act as the actions or words cannot be reverted once done.
5. Offer consequences where required:
Giving your child positive and negative consequences are okay to control their anger. Threatening is very different to telling consequences. Reward your child when they behave or use their anger management skills when upset. Negative consequences should be to take away the privileges for misconduct or paying compensation by doing some extra household chores or apologizing and asking for forgiveness to the victim.
6.Look for solutions: Help your kid to see beyond “I just feel like hitting or screaming”, “I hate you”, “You’re not good”. See if you can agree on a point to pacify both the parties and they agree to you. Teach them to apologize and explain ways to get together again peacefully.
7. Differentiate feelings and behavior:
Kids find it very tricky to understand the difference between angry and aggressive behaviors. Teach your child to differentiate and label this behavior verbally. Say “It is okay to feel angry, but it is not okay to hit”. Talk about their feelings to help they recognize it better.
8. Establish rules for anger:
Most families have rules about the behavioral aspect of what is acceptable and what is not when it comes to anger. Some parents do not bother if their kids slam the door and raise the voice against elders. Tolerance for such behavior differs in different families. Hence it is good to create some ground rules for anger and behavior towards others. Destruction of property or name-calling and physical aggression are things which should be in the rule list. The kid should not throw around things to display their frustration at any point in time or lash out verbally or physically.
9. Teach coping up skills:
The kid needs to know appropriate ways to deal with their emotions and anger. Instead of stopping them from doing something, explain what they can do when they are frustrated. Using time-out is a very effective way to deal with a bad or upset mood. Teaching them to withdraw from a situation is a good way to keep away from trouble. Teach problem-solving skills to your kid to recognize how to deal with such tricky, aggressive situations without any conflict.
10. Call for help:
Kids struggling to manage their anger and emotions is very normal. However, with your guidance, your kid’s skills should get better. Ask your child to call for help in such cases where there is a situation for the kid to get frustrated. There are also various meditation programs for kids to control their anger and to be able to handle their emotions better.
11. Teach your kid to break their anger into little pieces:
It is okay to take timeouts to stay in control. Tell your kid to write what is upsetting them on a piece of paper. Then tear them off into little pieces and throw away the anger with those pieces. Ask them to imagine the anger leaving their body and positivity filling them with love and peace. Teach simple, positive messages to your child to practice child anger management strategies.
How to Deal with Such Behavior
A child might seem to be brooding and irritated most of the time. They are usually at the edge of their mood to easily start off a fight or an argument. This could also be to seek attention or because of the addition in your family with a newborn or issues among the parents and much more. It is time to consider such behavior seriously and parents to give a healthy environment for the kids to grow. Anger management for children might not seem to work when there is a severe environment in a family which can lead the kid to deal with depression, delay in development, mental issues, etc. Consult with paediatricians when necessary and seek for their advice.
