Parenting is undeniably a very difficult job, it is not at all a simple thing to deal with. The parents have to be aware of an ample number of things that they should never say to their kids causing them to reach their breaking point.
Regrettably what may be an offhanded remark in a heated moment can cause serious emotional repercussions for a child down the line. As a parent, you might not realize you are doing it but the repercussions can be ghastly at times.
If you want to adopt and accept a healthier and more peaceful approach to parenting style, then start by cutting these 15 things from your vocab that you should never say to your kid from your vocabulary.
1.”I’ll do it” or “Let me help you”
The parent’s motivations are kind enough when they jump in to help out their child struggling in particular activity or things, but being too eager to interrupt her struggles will rob her feeling of the satisfaction of finally learning to do it by herself.
Just try to wait for your kid to ask for your assistance before you offer to help him or her work through the problem. If you jump in too soon, then that can undermine your child’s independence because he’ll always be looking up to others for answers and help.
2. “Good job!” or “Good boy!”
You must be wondering what could possibly be wrong with using a simple phrase like “Good job!” to your kids? Let me help you in figuring out the answer for you as per a host of psychologists who stated that using this sort of general encouragement or phrase for every little thing will demean the value of your praise and make it an intrinsic satisfaction (R) rather than of true accomplishment for your kids.
You do not necessarily need to ban “Good job!” from your vocabulary entirely, but be selective about when you use it. By saying something like “You really tried hard on that!” you teach your kids that “the effort is more important than the results”. This will help the child to be more persistent when they’re attempting a difficult task and to see failure as just another step toward success.
“Focusing on the process of achievement will also nudge your child to consider what makes his or her behavior so valuable. As per the social psychologist, Susan Newman, ‘what a smart boy,’ ‘you are wonderful,’ tends to become white noise after a while.
3. “You’re So Smart.”
The aim of praising your kids’ intelligence is to motivate them to accomplish great things with their gifts, but this strategy can backfire badly sometimes over the course of time.
Many psychologists warn to abstain using such words. Kids who view themselves as smart are both in the phase of danger for coasting on their perceived talents and avoiding truly hard tasks that might dent their reputation for brilliance.
Saying such kind of things to kids will actually work against their strive to learn. The author Tovah Klein, director of the Barnard center for toddler development, warns on business insider (R). Learning is a series of trials and tribulations.
4. “You’re so shy/clumsy/lazy.”
If labeling your kid positively is dangerous, labeling them negatively is even worse. So, it is necessary and very important that you do focus on your choice of words when you are trying to critic your child.
A far better approach is to address the specific behavior and leave the adjectives about your child’s personality out of it. Telling kids that they are just inherently lazy will only make them feel like there is nothing they can do to change that. They will lose their self-esteem and self-worth with this statement.
5. “I’m on a diet.”
You shouldn’t say everything to kids. Children learn and imitate by example, so if they see you struggling with poor body image, they’ll almost certainly get the message that they need to meet a certain physical ideal to feel comfortable in their own skin and body.
That’s why psychologists suggest you keep your own struggles with weight and body image to yourself rather than conveying this to your kids. There must be a question in your mind, “What should I say instead?” You can try it with something like “I’m eating healthy because I like the way it makes me feel” or “It’s beautiful outside when I’m going to take a walk” .
These are better bets than lamenting your new diet or exercise program, Marc S. Jacobson, a professor of pediatrics at Nassau University Medical Center, tells Parents.com.
6. “You’re way better than [some other kid].”
![You're way better than [some other kid]](https://healthgamut.com/~healthgamut/amn.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Youre-way-better-than.jpg)
It is obvious you think that your kid is the best, most extraordinary child ever and so on. It is quite common that every parent does.
But in reality, you shouldn’t actually tell a kid that he/she is better than others, not unless you want to raise a narcissist.
Research shows that kids who are praised as superior to their peers are at higher risk of actually believing their parents and developing an inflated sense of self-worth.
7. “I know you didn’t mean to hit your sister.”
“Yes, they did!”, as per the clinical psychologist Rebecca Schrag Hershberg, who emphatically believes in correcting parents with rose-tinted glasses. Denying the ferocity of your child’s emotions won’t help her learn to control them.
“As parents, we need to teach children the skills to regulate their reactions and cope with strong emotions in more productive ways, while also acknowledging these feelings are real,” Hershberg says.
When we are angry, hitting the person we are angry with maybe an instinctive reaction and may feel good at the moment, but that doesn’t mean that it is the right thing to do.
8. Stop being too selfish and needy:
This is quite hurtful as the child learns to deny their needs and necessities. Most people lose themselves in childhood and spend the rest of their life trying to find it,” Reedy says. “What’s really happening here is that the parents’ capacity is limited, and they’re asking the child to get smaller to fit into their needs.”
Many children may exhibit a host of behaviors that come across the selfish and needy nature. Hearing that they are selfish from parents can have some damaging effects on them in the long run.
If you directly tell your child that they are selfish, it seems as though it is an unfixable character flaw rather than a behavior they are exhibiting at the moment. Just try to work on their sharing skills and discuss how other people might feel in response to their allegedly “selfish” behavior instead.
9. You are Fat:
Childhood obesity remains a concern in countries around the world, that doesn’t ever stop a parent calling their child fat. Calling your child fat won’t do anything to motivate them to lose weight, says Kimber Shelton, psychologist, and owner of KLS counseling and consulting services in Dallas TX.
Negative body labeling and shaming feed into a culture of disordered eating and unhealthy body images. This can be a catalyst for serious emotional issues, including eating disorders, in the future. If you want to make your child healthier, teach them how to prepare nutritious food and indulge in doing regular exercise with them, but skip the name-calling.
10. Stop Crying:
Have you ever been told to stop crying? Did it ever work? When you tell a child to stop crying, you’re making them not only feel bad for whatever made them start crying in the first place.
It is important to allow children to cry and show their emotion and frustration. They need to know it is okay to feel happy, sad, angry. “Besides, we could never tell an adult to stop crying, so why should you tell children?” says Richard Peterson, the vice president of education for Kiddie Academy.
11. You are Just Like your Mother/Father:
Having a contentious relationship with your child is undeniably difficult for the parents. Even when they’re exhibiting behavior that gets on your last nerve, badmouthing the other parent is never the solution and is likely to make both parent and child pretty upset with you.
This would be a good thing if it is followed by something positive. This not only sends the message that the child is being rejected, but that the other parent is, too, creating a divide where a child is forced to identify with or pick a side to please a particular parent.
12. I am Disappointed in you:
These words are often spoken to kids at some point when they already feel bad. “Trying to make them responsible for your disappointment only adds to their pain”, says Lisa Cavallaro, author of No More Drama: How to Make Peace With Your Defiant Kid. Telling them that you are disappointed as an alternative to being mad does not provide them a clear solution of how they could do better.
Instead, encourage them to not repeat the same mistakes in the future and learn from it to do better in the future.
13. I Wish You’d Never Been Born:
No matter how frustrated you are with your child, it’s never acceptable to tell them that you wish they’d never been born. “‘I wish you’d never been born’” is something parents should never, ever say to their children,” says Koenig.
“I’ve known some parents who’ve been told this and were scarred for life by the remark.” When you’re feeling frustrated enough to say something this hurtful, simply remove yourself from the situation until you’ve cooled down enough to respond in a more level-headed manner.
14. You make me so mad:
Yes, parents will get mad at their kids from time to time. However, it’s important that parents keep their cool whenever needed and avoid saying things like, “I’m mad at you,” which can make the child feel responsible for the adult’s feelings.
Instead, try to distance the behavior from your child, discuss how you’re feeling in response to that particular behavior, and how you can both work to a more peaceful resolution.
“The number one job of a parent is to stay calm no matter what happens. Aside from the fact that we usually say things we later regret when we’re angry or frustrated, staying calm also models for our children how we want them to behave. This is especially true for parents of kids who tend to get easily upset,” explains Timothy Gunn, a licensed clinical psychologist.
15. Stop Overreacting:
It’s only natural for a parent to try to calm their child down during a period of heightened emotion. Telling them to stop overreacting isn’t the way to do it. While your kid’s behavior may seem like an overreaction to you, they clearly don’t see things that way.
Instead, try to talk through what they’re feeling and find out why whatever is happening seems like such a big deal.
Parenting is not an easy job at all. You need to take care of very little to big things in your mind in order to give a better and healthy environment for your child’s growth and development. The following tips will definitely help you regarding things you should never say to your kids because when parents say harmful things it is really emotionally and mentally disturbing for the kids.
