There are lots of types in the parents -single parents, lesbian parents, bisexual parents, and gay parents. In recent days, lesbians are adopting the children. Most of the times, you might come across the lesbian parents. You can’t ask the lesbian moms same questions that you ask other moms from heterosexual families.
Lesbian women have the right to have family. The way that you behave with lesbian moms should be different than usual. Dealing with the lesbian mom is the foreign thing that most of use are not aware of.
This article discusses some things that you should not say to the lesbian mom.
Misconceptions About The Lesbians:
There are several misconceptions surrounding the lesbians. Here are a few:
1. Lesbians hate men:
This statement is not always true because many lesbian women have guy friends but the only thing they are called as Lesbians is that they do regret to participate the relationship with men.
2. Lesbians have some daddy issues and were sexually abused as kids:
Sexual preference do not depend on the trauma or any kind of damage in the early childhood.
Here are some misconceptions mentioned by the lesbian Facebook groups that they encounter:
• Being a lesbian does not mean that they don’t use make up, dresses, or heels
• Just because of the reason that they are lesbian does not mean to know all the lesbians in the world
• Just because of the lesbian, it is doesn’t mean to have the deep voice
• Just because the reason that they are lesbians, it does not mean that they do not get married and have the children
What Not to Say to Lesbian Moms?
Here are a few things that you should not say to lesbian mom.
1. Who is the real mom?
This is one of the things that you never say to lesbian moms. If you wish to ask the lesbian mom this question, you no longer want them to be your friend. They hesitate to make friendship with you in future. This question is usually expected from a stranger. The main intention behind this question is to know who carried the child. It is not your business to know their own interests.
2. Who is the father?
Be specific with the vocabulary that you use. Same sex parents might have adopted the child or might have undergone through some medical techniques to get a baby without any sexual relationship with donor. Same sex parents may or may not have the relationship with the donor. They may have specific term for the donor. Don’t ask lesbian mom about parents. Instead, you can use the term as biological parent.
3. Is the dad in your child’s life?
We should be clear with the fact that the donor could not be a dad. There is a great level of distinction between these two terms. The one who has life long sexual relationship with the woman is regarded as a dad to the child. The word ‘dad’ does not match with the ‘donor’. Make yourself more clear distinction between these two words.
4. Don’t comment on the kid’s appearance:
If the lesbian parents have adopted the child, they don’t have any biological attachment with their kids. The kid’s physical appearance usually resembles their biological parents or if the baby is born through some donor, then the kid likely to get something inherited from the donor. Instead of commenting on the physical appearance of the kid, you can praise their attitude and behavior.
5. Do not ask anything about the sperm donor:
Don’t ask anything to the lesbian mom in detail about the donor. You must assume that parents have checked their kid’s medical history and other things whatever else are more important to them.
Sperm donors are usually tested for the basic health conditions and you do not need to know it specifically.
6. Does your child confused about what to call you?
This is a good question. But, it is not actually the way to ask. Instead, you can ask what your child call each of the mom? We should not force the children what we wanted be called.
7. What did you write under the Father name in your child’s birth certificate?
Same sex parents are given some special birth certificates in some states. Instead of mother and father, the certificate contains Parent 1 and parent 2. The answer to this question is very complex for the parents living in the state that does not offer gender neutral birth certificate.
8. Are you worried that your child being bullied because you are a lesbian?
Bullying is the activity that is not in control recent days. Kids are bullied as their parents are lesbian. Kids are bullied as their parents are lesbian. Kids are also bullied because of their financial status. Parents will always strive to offer safer and secure life for their children.
9. Where is your child from?
Even if the child is different from both the mothers and has the different ethnicity it does not mean that the child is adopted from the other country or state. It may damage the sense of belonging of the child when asked by a stranger.
10. How did you decide to create your family?
The other questions like which one of you got pregnant? Or who is the biological mom? May mean the same and potentially hurt the parents as both are the moms. This is an irrelevant question.
Things to Say Lesbian Mom:
Here are a few things that you can say the lesbian mom:
• Ask the age of the children
• Appreciate the physical appearance and the skills of their child
• You can ask how they balance their life
• You can ask how their child call each of them
• Ask them some suggestions on how to teach their child about lesbian parents.
• You can discuss different families and the approaches they follow
In conclusion, respect the personal boundaries of the lesbian moms and be aware of your questions and think before you speak or ask them any questions.
