Does this sound familiar? Why are two year olds so difficult to handle? How to understand the terrible two? Are there ways to better deal with them? I know you must be pissed off with all these questions in your mind.
The terrible two is a phase of life observed in the 2 year old children which last for over a year.
By the end of the article you will get to know a lot of information about terrible twos and how to cope with these behaviors and find ways to better deal with them without anger or aggression.
What Are Terrible Twos?
“Terrible two” is a change in pattern of behaviour that parents observed in 2 years old children. It is a phase of rapid shifts in a child’s mood and behaviour. During this phase of development, it becomes a great challenge for the parents to deal with them.
Two-year-olds undergo major motor, intellectual, social and emotional changes. The children at this age can understand much more speech than they can express which is a factor that contributes to emotions and behaviors that are difficult for parents to interpret.
At terrible two, a toddler bounces between reliance on adults and a newly burgeoning desire for independence. It is a stage that most toddlers will go through.
During this stage, your child wants to explore their surrounding around and do what they want on their own terms. That’s all normal and expected behavior with respect to the age cohort.
Causes Of Terrible Two:
The terrible twos is a normal stage of development and a sign that the toddler has achieved some pretty major developmental milestones. It is not a sign of any problem in their personality. They’re really smart at this stage; the parents don’t need to worry about it.
Around age 2 is when the child starts getting better at walking, jumping, talking and being understood, and also when they begin to emulate what others are doing. This phase of terrible two behaviour occurs in majority of the kids. At this stage, the child tries to be independent and try to do things on their own.
They want to help clean, talk on the phone, wash their hands and follow adult routines. They soon find out that they need the help of an adult for many things, which leads to a sense of frustration in their young minds. But they aren’t aware of what is good and what is bad.
The children are gauging their independence. The kids want to do things on their own, and they also want someone to be close by watching them.
All these emotions cannot be expressed properly with the limited vocabulary of a two year old child, so the result is terrible twos. The tantrums reduce in frequency as the child becomes better with their communication and this antagonistic behaviour continues till a year’s time.
Sign And Symptoms Of Terrible Two
Certain behaviour of terrible two will help you to figure out what they are about.
1. Tantrums:
Tantrums are one of the first and foremost terrible two symptoms that you are likely going to observe a 2 year old child. This normally range from mild whining to all out hysterical meltdowns. The symptoms are equally common in boys and girls. Tantrums also include-
- hitting
- kicking
- biting
- throwing things
As per a 2003 study, the tantrums may seem never-ending while in the midst of one. It has been estimated that 75 percent (R) of tantrums in kids, between 18 to 60 months, last five minutes or less.
2. Opposition:
The child gains new skills and abilities with each passing day. It is obvious for the child to test those skills and abilities. This can lead to the child objecting to things they used to be OK with, like holding their hand to cross the street, put on their clothes or climb the playground slide, walk alone, climb staircase etc.
The child develops more independence and begins to insist on doing more for things by them. This is a major sign and symptoms that describe the terrible two behaviour.
3. Mood Swings:
There is a huge variation of mood swings in children at the terrible two. The child may be happy and loving and the next moment, he/she may be crying, and miserable. A lot of times, they lead to inappropriate behavior, frustration, out-of-control feelings and tantrums.
4. Saying “No”:
Saying “No” is one of the common terrible two symptoms you will come to listen most often. The toddlers tend to overuse this phrase while they’re testing boundaries and learning the power of the word.
Is it the Terrible Twos, or a Behavioral Issue?
On the basis of 2008 study (R) it looked at temper tantrums in preschool aged children (3 to 6 years old) and noted when the tantrums might suggest a mood or conduct disorder.
The Signs and Symptoms For it are as Follows-
- The tantrums that consistently include hitting, kicking, biting, or other forms of physical violence toward the parent.
- In tantrums, the child tries to injure themselves.
- frequent tantrums are tantrums that occur 10 to 20 times a day
- This is a tantrum that lasts longer than 25 minutes, on average
- It is an inability of the child to ultimately calm themselves
Do All Children Go Through it?
No matter whether the child gets terrible twos behaviour at 18 months or 3 years, what matters here is that it is common for all the children during a particular phase of development.
It is quite normal and common in children, so the parents need not worry about it. In western countries, the child shows certain societal expectation.
Studies have also shown that terrible two also show fewer tantrums than others. This is especially the case if they have advanced language skills, which helps them express themselves more clearly and cut down on frustration.
How Long Does It Last?
The terrible twos can sometimes drag into the terrible threes. That means it may stay from 2-3 years of age. But by the time a child is 4, they usually have enough language and motor development to express themselves, understand instructions, and follow rules set by teachers and caregivers. It is said that it stays for a year and after that, it disperses. For some kids, it continues but that is a very rare case.
As per studies (R) it was found 20 percent of 2-year-olds have one tantrum a day, yet only 10 percent of 4-year-olds do the same.
How To Deal With Terrible Two?
As per the American Academy of Pediatrics (R) here are some of the effective ways of mitigation that they recommend:
- Keep regular meal and sleep schedules for your kids. It is found from the studies that less desirable behavior is more likely to happen when your child is tired or hungry.
- Praise behaviors you approve of and ignore ones you want to discourage.
- Don’t spank or hit, and try to avoid yelling. You want to model nonviolent behavior for your child.
- Redirect or distract when you can. Point out something funny or interesting when your child starts to whine or misbehave.
- Keep rules simple and offer brief explanations. For example, tell your child they have to hold your hand when they cross the street because you don’t want a car to hurt them.
- Let your child have some control by offering a choice between two things. This is the best way to deal with terrible two.
- Keep your toddler’s home environment safe. If you don’t want them getting into something, put it out of sight.
- Don’t give in. Set your limits and be consistent. If that means your child has a full-blown tantrum in the grocery store because you won’t buy a candy bar, simply remove your child from the situation and wait until things calm down. You won’t be the first parent to leave a full cart in a random aisle.
- Stay calm as your child will feed off your stress. Count to 10 or take a deep breath, whatever helps you to keep your cool.
Terrible two is a change in the pattern of behaviour that parents observed in 2 years old children. It is a phase of rapid shifts in a child mood and behaviour. During this phase of development, it is a great challenge for the parents to deal with them. I hope this article has provided a good number of information about terrible twos and the ways how to deal it.
