Tired embarking on a journey of parenting your strong-willed child? Well if you have a strong-willed child, you’re lucky! Strong-willed children are pretty challenging to deal with sometimes when they are young but when they are parented with care and love, they become fantastic teens and grown-ups.
Often while parenting you commonly find yourself in such situations where it turns into battles. And the solutions to these battles seem very simple and logical however your child still puts on their armor and is ready for a fight over petty things and issues.
But what exactly does strong-willed mean? Some parents term it as “stubborn” or “difficult”. But strong-willed kids are the ones with integrity who do not sway easily from their own viewpoint. Also, they learn things themselves, killing their curiosity rather than accepting others’ opinion or say. They love to take in-charge of themselves and their life and placing their desire over anything else to be right. If they like something, their brains seem to have a hard time to switch to another. They are passionate and live in full throttle.
We have known that strong-willed people are often the world changers. They are natural born leaders and the ones who pave their way, where no one else would have ventured. So, basically, if you are parenting a strong-willed child, they might be the budding determined world changers but parenting could be exhausting for you.
Highly Effective Tips For Parenting a Willed Child:
1. Don’t escape from Difficult Behavior:
Yes, the strong-willed child is difficult to manage and you feel terrified when you kid acts horrible. This is the exact moment that they need to be guided. To be taught and coached. There is a crazy burst of emotions in their head and those are especially swirling around without a pattern or a logic. Since these are directionless emotions, they kind of spin the way they please. Thus this is a great time to mold them towards your ideology or reasoning after validating it using empathy! Do not send them to the room asking them to shut – it only leads to worsening up their head and emotions. Even though you do not see a lot of logic in your kid’s thoughts, try to empathize and then evaluate it in simple sentences. For example, you can say “So, you do not want to…..” or “you do not like …..” or “I understand that you wished you could ……. instead of …..” More than anything, the strong-willed kids want you to realize their thoughts and relate to the inner side of the story.
2. Give your Strong-willed Child Choices:
If you do not want them to do something they are strong-willed about, give them enough choices to re-think what suits them better. The strong-willed child wants to take charge of as many things as possible on their own. As a parent, you might want to make decisions for your child but with a strong-willed child, giving them as much liberty as possible is the best way to handle them. Hand away your power to them when appropriate.
3. Let them Master more than One Thing:
Although this is a good habit only when they are nurtured properly. Do not ever nag them to do a thing. If you see that they do not wash their hands before having their meal, for example, do not nag them! Rather, say it out to them in a way such that you are giving them an independence and charge of doing it. For instance “Ah, great, I saw you making the dinner table, and what is the one very important thing you still need to do before you start eating?” They feel independent and more responsible for themselves, and make a move!
4. Let them have Authority over Their body:
When it comes to what to wear, it is usually a major topic to debate with kids. For instance, if they do not wear a jacket and it is cold outside, try telling them that they might feel cold outside and must wear a jacket. If they do not listen to you even after the explanation, just carry the jacket with you and they will themselves ask for it when they are cold! Do not let down their self-confidence in such cases because their body says that it doesn’t need a jacket right now and they are alright.
5. Do not force Routines and Rules:
Yes we love to have disciplined kids but doesn’t mean that they are bad if they have a different routine. If your kid wants to play before study whereas you think they must study first and then go off to play, you will only lead your strong-willed child to extreme behavior and feel frustrated. Let them build their own routine and your duty will be to keep a check and support them enough to get where they aim. Parenting a strong-willed child is simple if you know to use their strong willingness in the right way.
6. Listen to them:
Well, this is very important with any kid but with the strong-willed child, they might be able to reason their behavior or need well. They have a viewpoint(R) to share that makes them hold to their thoughts and views. Only by listening calmly to them, and reflecting their word, you will understand what is making them go against your decision or opinion. For example, if they do not want to take a bath, you can always ask “I got to know that you do not want to take a bath, but may I know why and tell me what happened?” Let them open about their views and if it is a good reason, they have a point, it is okay to accept. If you get into a clash before finding out, you will never ever know!
7. Look for the Hidden Messages:
A strong-willed child will always have a reason to have a strong opinion and unless you find the hidden meaning, you can never understand them. As much as things come in your head, similarly a kid as well has enough thoughts in their brains. Dig deeper to understand the underlying message by checking on the basic needs of a child: power, connection, and experience. Ask yourself which of this really happens to be their reason to retaliate and think about how bad can it be if you give power to their life and a tiny bit of it which they ask for.
8. Never Mock:
You and your partner might have fun discussing which one of you might have passed their genes to this little one in front of them. But that would not be a great way to deal with a strong-willed child. You need to be dealing with these kids with emotions. You must not curse yourself to have a willful child and never show their negativity! You must trust that your child is going to be one of them to do epic things in the world. You must feel proud and spirited to do the best for the kid and bring out the best in them.
9. Strong-willed Kids are Experimental:
Let them be one! Unless you are worried about any serious injuries, let them explore and experience instead of trying to control them and talk about consequences. Do not try to threaten them, as that makes them ever more strong willed. The strong-willed kids can test your limits, be prepared and remember, that’s how they learn! So, STAY CALM.
10. Offer them Respect and Empathy:
Kids who are strong-willed are also fighting for respect, remember! When you offer it to them, they do not need to fight or protect their position. It helps them to feel having understood.
All these do sound like permissive parenting, doesn’t it? You set the limits but you understand them and let them have their perspective too. Which makes them more co-operative towards you as a parent.
