Getting a divorce is extremely painful and specially when the separation comes after you have children. Amid all the emotional swings and devastation the kids are always the ones who suffer despite any of their faults. And those who have experienced this situation would agree there can be nothing more heartbreaking than to see their family getting divided. The most important part of such situations is how to tell your child you are getting a divorce. There is nothing that can reduce the pain but you can always approach in the right way to help the kids understand rather than being imposed to
How to Tell your Child You Are Separating:
As a parent, it is definitely the most crucial of things to do, but when you know the separation is around and there is nothing which can make the decision change. The most important part comes in which is to make the kids understand the situation and not be left out from this life changing event. Some tips on how to prepare your child for divorce:
1. Choose the time when you will tell them about the separation:
Do not tell the kids too soon. The pain will last longer. It’s better to tell them when you are moving out or your partner is moving out after a few days. Just a few days will leave not much pain and suffering. Also, try to keep this to basic minimum
2. Do not fight or discuss the differences in front of kids:
Never wash your dirty linen in front of your kids. The more your fight in front of them, the more painful and psychologically stressful it becomes for them. Also this may cause long term abnormalities in younger kids so better to keep them away from all this
3. Tell this together:
Both you and your partner must tell this news together and in the shortest way possible. Do no go into details of who did what but just a situation that now you both no longer wish to stay together is fair enough for the kids.
4. Keep it short and to the point:
Do no dig into details when discussing and informing your children. Just that you both have taken a mature stand and now you will part ways. As parents, this can be devastating to not raise the children together but tell them that you both will be there for them all the time and nothing changes when it comes to raising the kids
5. Do inform your kids that its not their fault:
The kids often take this as their fault and start building up on this. This can cause a lot of discontentment and also leave some scars for a long life ahead. Some kids even develop psychological situations which may be harmful to them and end them up in wrong things like drugs or alcohol
6. Do no tell them all what happened:
Even if the kids are big and around teenage, you must avoid all the details. Whatever happened is between the two of you and you must not disclose it all. You never know what impact it causes for the kids are still too young and they may think otherwise
7. Get over the blame game:
Stop blaming each other in front of kids. You may have your points and differences but for the health and wellness of your child, it is important to get over the blame game and not point to each other for the situation. Keep it a mutually thought decision which will be beneficial for everyone
8. Be open to questions:
The kids will have ample questions and don’t just force your decision and go away. Just be there and listen to what they have to say. Answer in short and simple, whatever they ask. Do mention you both have been trying to fix but things are not getting better, in the best interest of everyone you both are planning to separate
9. Keep a unified answer as if both the parents have a different and confusing set of answers it may cause devastation to the child. Be sure what you would say and discuss among each other first as you don’t want the child to suffer
10. Tell what the situation is:
If you are separating then just tell it, do not make it a divorce until the time comes. Who knows things work out and you don’t divorce. But do not tell them things can fall in place as they may begin having hopes and expectations.
11. Stay calm and keep yourself, patient:
Do not rush through the details as the kids may take time to process. They have just been told the most disturbing things in their life. Allow them to process and keep yourself calm while interacting with them.
The above compilation on How to tell your child you are getting a divorce is to help parents and partners in telling their children the right things at the right time. All that they see and hear has a large impact on their character and personality. And despite your life’s situation, you both don’t want your kids to suffer. So be precise and don’t blame when talking to children about your separation.
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