After being grown up as a queen by your parents, it is quite common to be partnered with another person. You should adjust to your partner’s family as it is going to be your family from then. You are the luckiest if you get a friendly mother in law. Most of the mother in laws try to rule out the entire home. This may make you to have an unpleasant experience.
Mother in laws always try to implement their plans in the lives of newly married couple driving out their joy and happiness. They make it difficult for you to have a comfortable environment in your family.
Signs that you have an overbearing mother in law:
Here are the few signs that you have a toxic mother in law.
1. She dictates your life:
She always try to rule out the things for you leaving no choice and less personal space for you.
2. She feels that she is always right!
She never admits being wrong. She always finds the opportunity to blame you and rarely apologizes you.
3. She expects to please her:
She always wants you to please her. She makes you to adopt her opinions, culture, appearing at the family event etc. She often forces you to learn her ways of cooking.
4. She is emotional game player:
Her narrow mentality makes her to play silent treatments. She might use your partner as a platform to gain control over you.
5. She starts arguments between you and your partner:
She always tries to bring up the things that you are uncomfortable with or digs the issues that had settled long ago in the past.
6. She engages in smear tactics:
If she feels that you are threatening her position. She turns everyone against you by using her smear tactics that ruins your personality.
7. She plays double role:
The character that she shows in front of you is different from the sympathetic character that she maintains in front of everyone.
8. Nothing can change her:
The things that you do to please her will never reach her expectations or will never change her thoughts about you.
9. She wants to join you on the trips:
She does not like her son to be looked after or cared by anyone except her. This feeling makes her to involve in the relaxing trips that you plan. Most of the times she interferes in the middle of your married life which is a worst scenario that you should make her won’t reach this stage.
10. She ignores you:
She always pays less or no attention to your words. She will ignore you and most of the times she tries to degrade you in front of others.
11. She makes you feel guilty:
Yours mother in law may often tries to make you to feel guilty on the things that are not related to you or you should not apologize for. They use guilty as the weapon to manipulate your thoughts and ruin your relationship.
12. She might use the activities to undermine you:
She may try to complain about your cooking to your partner by bringing her own meals to the table.
13. She always demands you:
Your aggressive mother in law may not want to hear the “no” word from you at any situations. She often tries to change you intentions.
14. She will enact in public places:
In public places she will try to behave as a selfless caretaker and a charming woman. It will make most of the people pay attention to her. But in reality she is a self centered woman.
How To Deal With Overbearing Mother In Law:
Overbearing mother in laws may give you an unpleasant experience at the family visits or family parties. Here are the few tips to deal with overbearing pushy mother in law
1. Speak Out:
If you feel that sudden transition of her son being cared by you made her toxic mother in law, let her know that your partner is always her child. Gently mention the things that you don’t want her to tell you or ask frequently.
1. Make your partner to step in:
If your mother in law is crossing the boundaries, it is very hard time for you and your partner to set her a bit back. Overbearing mother in law may not listen to your words for her to stop, but she might listen if her son comes to her.
2. Establish Regular Visiting Times:
Schedule some time out of your busy life to visit your mother in law. Make her to spend quality time with her son and your kids. Let her understand that you are not going to destruct her position in the family.
3. Avoid Escalating Conflict:
Don’t let her to raise emotional reactions on you. Instead of increasing the conflict intensity, practise conflict management techniques. Your ignorance towards her reactions may make her calm down at a certain time.
4. Develop a strategy together with your partner to solve the problem:
Don’t get into any argument with your mother in law without consulting your partner. Never engage in the argument crossing the limits of the coping strategy. This may upset your partner. Even if you want to speak to your mother in law privately, better if you still consult your partner Because, being her son, he may give you some tips on how to handle her.
5. Have assertive communication:
It is not exactly necessary to have serious arguments with your in law while communicating your needs. Make sure to have a assertive talk when you get a chance. Learn some convincing phrases to speak to your mother in law.
6. Throw back to her!
If your mother in law comments on your cooking, then do not respond aggressively. Compliment her cooking and ask her to cook for her in the next visit. Do not keep dwelling the negative things that she says.
7. Let her do her things..
Accept the things that she does whenever she comes for the visit. Make her to spend quality time with her son and grand kids for a blossom relationship.
9. Don’t take anything personally:
Taking anything personally may create clashes between you and your in law. The better is to ignore her aggressive behavior and respond politely.
10. Explain you are not following her demands:
If your mother in law makes a lot of demands explain her the reason for avoiding her demands and doing something differently.
11. Avoid her presence while taking key decisions:
Your overbearing mother may try to involve in serious discussions and makes it difficult for you to take simple decisions making the situation more complex.
12. Avoid Triggers:
Recognize the triggers that made her overbearing. Don’t give her a chance to point out the things that you do or make the things that triggers the conflict.
13. Treat her Gently :
When your mother in law comes for a visit, treat her in a good manner irrespective of her behavior. This may make her realize her bad behavior at some stage. Try to be more affectionate towards her because, her older age may make her traditional minded. Let her assure that you are supportive to her. Strike off her criticisms softly.
14. Don’t oppose her words:
Do not oppose your mother mother in law’s words instead tell her gently the reason for not following or not liking her words.
14. Know Your Priorities:
Being a married woman, your husband and children are your top priority. It is your responsibility to support your husband throughout life. You have more rights on your husband to make your in law realize this fact.
15. Reduce Expectations:
Never expect care, love and concern from your mother in law as she is the mother of your husband not yours. She may not care for you as she cares for her son. Never get disappointed with her comments. Slowly make her understand your emotional needs if she did not respect your emotions, better stay away from her instead of worrying.
16. Obtain her advice:
Ask her for advises on specific topics even if you do not follow them. For example ask her how she would treated children sickness. This makes her feel relaxed once she sees that you value her advise.
17. Do not wait for approvals:
You have the right to make the decisions on your own with the support of your spouse. Never try to get ahead approval from your mother in law.
18. Trust your instincts:
Trusting your instincts is the way of trusting yourself. Listening to your instincts will help to build and maintain healthy relationships.
19. Do not crave to please her:
If your mother in law remains or behaves the same way even after the events that you planned for her like inviting her to parties, attending holidays, dinners and birthdays that you planned for her it is time to step back and continue your routine ignoring her aggressive behavior.
20. Forgive and give her a chance to change:
Forgive your mother in law for her wrong doings and move on to avoid the arguments. Sit with her to know the underlying things making her upset or aggressive this will help you to trim further arguments.
Having an overbearing mother in law might be a difficult situation. Balance your emotions and adopt some stress relieving techniques instead of being frustrated. Seek your partner’s support and follow the 20 best ways mentioned in this article to deal with your overbearing mother in law.
