Parenting comes up with a lot of challenges and ups and downs. Given the fact in today’s world, there are more chances for second marriages, the same brings along blended families.
A blended family is regarded as the stepfamily in which both the partners have kids from previous relationships.
In this article, we will get a fair share of information about what is about blended family and the various problems associated with the blended family.
What is a Blended Family?
For those people who aren’t aware, blended families are the ones that include the partners who already have kids from their previous marriages or relationships.
As per the U.S Census, (R) at about 16 percent of children live in a blended family as of 2009.
As per the same study, it was found that there are 1300 new stepfamilies found every year. (R)
The US Bureau of Census States:
- 1300 new stepfamilies are forming every day.
- Over 50% of US families are remarried or re-coupled.
- The average marriage in America lasts only seven years.
- One out of two marriages ends in divorce.
- 75% re-marry
- 66% of those living together or remarried break up, when children are involved.
- 80% of remarried, or re-coupled, partners with children both have careers.
- 50% of the 60 million children under the age of 13 are currently living with one biological parent and that parent’s current partner.
[Read: Habits For A Healthy Family]
Problems in Blended Family:
There are a lot of problems or challenging situations that come up in dealing with blended families. Some of the major problems in the blended family are as follows-
1. Blending Different Family Tradition:
This is the most challenging circumstance that comes up while dealing with the blended family. As two different families come together, their family traditions also matter a lot. Make sure you don’t assume the feeling of your partner, your kids, or your partner’s kids.
This problem arises with this issue because the children have to adjust to the new culture, tradition, custom, lifestyle, etc. from scratch.
2. Helping the Kids to Adjust To The Change:
It is all about the change. The changes at one point in time can be unsettling. It all depends upon the lifestyle and schedules. Making sure of the clear expectations and outlining what to do and what not to do is one of the healthiest ways to deal with problems in a blended family.
3. Siblings Rivalry:
This is one of the major problems in a blended family that is very commonly witnessed. It is really hard and difficult for the children to compete with a sibling with a nuclear family. And when it comes to stepfamily or blended family, it is completely difficult for them to adjust to the environment.
There are several incidents for a child who hasn’t had to share a parent in a long time but have then been thrust to make the sudden changes in their lives.
4. Everyone Needs Attention:
The children, siblings, partners, etc. do face this major problem in a blended family. This happens due to the increased number of children in one family. One or all the family wants to get attention from their near and dear ones.
As per many researches, it has been found that the blended families do have less financial security and time to give to the children and something extra to the family and their children.
The chance for a family outing is also not possible for the children because of the busy schedules that the parents have.
5. Step-parents Discipline Can be Challenging:
It is a new start as you have to go through the pattern of behaviour in the home again with the newly added member in the family.
The children have to be adjusted with the step-parent’s discipline which can be a very challenging concept for the child.
6. You Feel Like Two Separate Family:
In the case of the blended family even if you and your partner have a line of comfort, equation, etc., it doesn’t have to be the same with the children around the family as well.
The kids aren’t comfortable at all in the beginning when they are thrown into such an environment. It feels like having to act in two families that just have to live together.
7. Becoming a New Parent:
There is certain evidence stating that some adults don’t enter into a blended family with their own kid but only have a partner who has a kid of their own already.
This becomes a bigger challenge for the parents to take the role of a step-parent. Getting used to the role can be very stressful and it takes a lot of time.
It is really hard to take up the new responsibility following a new relationship. It normally takes a lot of time to adapt to the new role.
8. Relationship Between Ex-Parents and Step-Parents:
This is another major problem that arises with blended family.
When you have just ended a relationship but have kids with your previous partner, chances are that the ex-partner won’t have the best impression on you and your relationship.
Things do get very complicated when kids are involved in the equation.
The children may wish to stay close to both of their biological parents. A child requires a court’s order to spend time with each parent. This can mean the remarried parent must continue speaking with their ex. In blended families, the ex may be called the nonresidential parent.
9. Identity Confusion:
There is a huge problem with the new identity issue with the children, parents, and a new relationship. It really creates identity confusion for the children.
Normally in many cases, the children feel suddenly abandoned. They do have difficulty accepting their step-parents.
As per the studies, many children dislike their new parents, siblings, spouse, partner, etc. The positive feeling is very rare. It becomes difficult for the children to get along well with their feelings.
10. Financial Difficulties:
Here is another major problem faced by blended family. This is with respect to the financial difficulties that people face in the blended families.
Normally in blended families, the family size is bigger so there is a chance of huge financial difficulties. The cost associated with them to raise a bigger family is a matter of concern.
Solving the financial issue is a bigger challenge brings along a lot of worry for the parents. If you find yourself stuck with such problems, consulting a financial advisor is a good option.
[Read: Ways to be a Good Step Mother to Your Kids]
How To Fix Blended Family Problems?
1. Focus On What Is Important:
This is one of the best ways of dealing with blended family problems. It may be having a person in your life or with regards to step-parents to your child, partner or your ex.
This helps to deal with all kinds of new emotions, feelings, and predicaments that come in the case of the blended family.
There will be so many situations where you have to control and keep your point within yourself until it comes to a situation where to express. Make your child and yourself focus.
It is you who have to make the decision as the kids are not capable enough to take the decision in the blended family. There should not be any feeling of negative ripples and after-effects from it.
2. Be Confident in Who You Are and What You Bring:
This works great to fix a broken blended family. No matter what dimension of situation comes in your way, make sure that you be confident in who you are and what you bring.
Forget about always comparing yourself to other successful families and do what you do best – try!
Try not to trash on other parents who are stable and thriving. Make sure you put your time and energy supporting the child’s relationship with the other parent.
This approach is healthy for both the child and for you and it is regarded as the best.
3. Ditch The Possession Mindset:
This all depends upon the kind of relationship you want to show to the people around you.
The mind frame is very important when it comes round to warding off the insecurities that you are struggling with.
When you love someone, the only thing you need to do is show it to them and that is more than enough. There shouldn’t be any overwhelming feeling when it comes to the kids.
It is not the best thing for the relationship and the new family in your life.
4. Be Reliable:
Here is another one of the best and amazing ways of dealing with blended family problem.
Do what you say and say what you do. Don’t make any promises to your kids that you can’t keep or do. The kids are very smarter in today’s world, so they will able to follow through and know which one to rely on and which one to not.
5. Know That Others’ Insecurities Are Not Your Problem:
As a parent in the blended family, you have to deal with such problems.
Sometimes you will feel the other parents and step-parents being uncomfortable. It is a shortchanging factor around them.
Just make sure you give all of your love and support that your kids deserve. Don’t focus on what others react to you with respect to supporting your child with pure and good intentions.
6. Be the Person You Want Your Children To Be:
I know having a blended family is challenging, especially for the parents. This can test your patience and your limits. You have to be physically and mentally strong.
It is easy to lose control and become frazzled.
It is always important to remember that the child is watching and soaking whatever you are doing.
It is you from whom they are able to figure out between things that are good and bad. Make sure you keep an eye on the people around you and the integrity you live with. It should inspire your child and help them learn about new things.
7. Time Management:
No matter what the situation is, time heals everything. In order to fix a broken blended family you have to spend a good amount of time with your near and dear ones in a healthy environment.
Make the efforts to reserve time for you and your spouse, children; partner etc. It will create a healthy household environment. Time management is one of the great ways to time for every single one in the family.
8. Parenting Plan:
It all depends upon the parenting plan. It is you, along with your spouse, who has to go over certain key issues that may arise as you co-parent further.
It is you who has to decide on how and when to punish your child for misbehaving, how to handle your child dating someone, etc.
By deciding these issues before they occur, it makes it more comfortable in setting the blended family in the future better. It is necessary to ensure that both you and your spouse are on the same page.
You need to present a united front to the child. This happens when new parents come up and take charge of new parenting.
9. Equal Treatment:
This is a very important step to be followed in order to fix the blended family. It is crucial to treat step-children and any other children you and your spouse have equally.
Make sure you are especially careful not to favor your own children or your spouse’s children.
It although you may be harsher with older children, make sure the difference in treatment is truly age-based and not just different because they are or aren’t your stepchildren.
Having a blended family can be a boon and a curse for some. It is all about how you manage things that make up for the problems that you might be facing along with your partner. I hope this article has given you good information about what is blended family and the ways to fix a blended family.
