It is never a pleasant feeling to feel left out or be treated differently from your sibling. Is this an assumption or is it true that you are not treated like a favorite child. Does it bother you when your mom or dad forget to ask you about what you want to eat while they remember to ask your little sibling what he or she wants to eat? It is never an easy feeling to deal with, isn’t it?
Are you sure that you are perceiving it the right way? For all you know, your parents might have forgotten to ask you and are giving your sibling that preference maybe because he or she is still a baby when compared to you. All said and done, it is still disappointing when the trend of parent favoritism is on at home.
In this article, you will learn to be a strong child and understand effective ways to handle parents favoring your sibling more than you. Stay peaceful as you are sure to find your way out.
[Read: What is Ideal Age Difference Between Siblings]
What Is Parental Favoritism?
Those instances when your sibling is given more authority to make choices than you got, your sibling is given more time than you are given and all the attention and love expressed to your little sibling is always a little more than what is given to you that makes you feel biased about the way your parent is treating you. It creates pain within you and you feel totally lonely.
There could be many instances when you have felt that your parent loves your sibling more than you. However, don’t you think for parents their children are like that of their eyes and they would love all their children equally? Let’s assume they do not treat you like they treat your sibling, try to understand why do they do that or talk to your parents about it.
Before you get sure as to why do your parents favour your sibling more than you, you need to understand it and look at this through the below mentioned aspects. Take a look!
Your parent is favoring your sibling because he/she is the younger one and your sibling needs more time. However, your parents might forget to realize that in the bargain you are feeling left out.
You little sibling might not be keeping well which is why your parents want to focus on the little one. All said and done, you need your share of love and care because even you mean something to your parents. It is not wrong if you are feeling this way.
Having said it all, whether you are favored more than your sibling as much as your sibling no amount of explanation can deny that it hurts you. However, you can never say, maybe this feeling would help you get even more responsible about yourself and if you do not accept it the right way it would just create ill feelings in your heart about your parents or your own self.
[Read: Sibling Rivalry, Tips To Make a Solid Bond]
10 Signs That Indicate Your Sibling Is The Favourite One
Just as how you analyzed the possible reasons as to why your parents favour your sibling more than you, you would have to think of all the instances that have made you feel like you are not that favorite child to your parents. Be clear and do not have any misunderstanding in your mind.
Your parent might not really tell you about who is the most favorite. But you would be able to identify and analyse with the difference in their behavior with your sibling and you.
Lookup for these signs and see if you go through the same treatment constantly.
Sign No 1: When Your Mom And Dad Do Not Justify It Right When Confronted
When you confront your parents that you are not loved as much your sibling is and if you notice that their expressions change or they are not able to justify it sensibly to you that what you feel is just a wrong perception, it means that they are aware they are doing it and it is just too awkward for them to face reality. Do not let it make you feel low, be happy that you have done your best by being truthful to them.
Sign No 2: When Your Parents Ask For Inputs From Your Sibling
You would have wished that your mom and dad spoke to you in regard to getting suggestions on an important discussion and finally they end up speaking to your little one instead of you. This could be one of the signs that your sibling is your parents’ super favorite child and maybe your inputs do not mean as much as your siblings’ inputs do.
Sign No 3: When Your Parents Always Keep Talking About Your Sibling
When you notice that your parents would always discuss your sibling with you and all the time they have all the nice things to talk about your sibling although you would have 100 nice things too. This behavior of your parents clearly indicates that your sibling is their favorite child.
Sign No 4: When Your Sibling Is Not Given Too Much Responsibility Like You
It does not clearly indicate that your parents are being partial by giving you more of stuff to complete when compared to your sibling. It is probably because they trust that you would handle it better than your sibling or it could be the other way round that they do not want the younger one to take more strain.
Sign No 5: When They Pamper Your Sibling Way Too Much
Usually, the older kid is always expected to be responsible and independent to take care of their own selves and that is taken for granted by parents and they start to pamper and worry too much about the younger one forgetting that the older one as well exists and wants to be given that same treatment.
Sign No 6: When Your Parents Can Never Say A No To Your Sibling
How many times you would have asked for your favorite watch or cycle and you would have had to literally plead to your parents to get their approval. On the counter side, your sibling asks for what he or she wants and it is available for your sibling then and there without having to force or request your parents.
Sign No 7: When Your Mom And Dad Buy Your Sibling’s Side Of The Story Always
Siblings are meant to fight with each other and parents are the ones who get most affected and disturbed with those fights. Your sibling is undoubtedly the favorite one when his/her side of the story is always heard and your side of the story is ignored. You might be making a point only if they heard you out.
Sign No 8: When Your Sibling’s Moments Of Success Are Celebrated With More Joy
As your sibling is given the title of a favorite child their moments of success are always going to have rejoiced more than yours. Your parents would no doubt celebrate your moments of success but there would always be a difference in the way your parents would be excited for your sibling when compared to you.
Sign No 9: When Your Sibling Is Complimented For The Smallest Of Things
Who does not like being complimented? When you have done something really good and you deserve an applaud but your parents do not seem to notice it. If it had to be your sibling they would have hit the roof in happiness and loaded your sibling with compliments.
Sign No 10: When Parents Connect With Your Sibling Better
Our quotient of connection with everyone at home varies, we do not get along the same way with everyone at home. That said, you would see that your parents would find your sibling more fun, spend time and talk to your sibling more than you. It is not that they would not give you time, they would but you would always feel that they are not as connected with you like they are with your sibling.
Effects Of Favoritism In The Family
How much can one feel left out and not important? If not clear and loud in the beginning, the effects of favoritism would somehow show up in the family, not just with the child who is not favored but it will also affect the child who is favored. Take a look at the dangerous effects of favoritism in the family
Effects On The Child Who Is Not Favoured
1. Mental Health Of A Child Is Disturbed
If favoritism continues to be there, a child would go through negative emotions such as feeling alone, not opening up, behaving anxious and losing on mental stability. This happens only because a parent ignores to understand that the child is feeling insecure and left out.
2. Increases Feelings Of Self Doubt
As the child grows up, he or she would never be able to trust people easily and might end up doubting his or her own self worth and this is only because the parents would have never given a child the attention that would have ended up making the child feel that way.
3. Deprived Child Would End Up Being A Loner
Not getting the right attention in childhood might end up making the child get used to living all alone. If not taken positively by the child, he or she might end up feeling negative about relationships and they would always prefer living alone and being away from people which is again not a healthy sign.
4. Child Would Have Bitter Feelings For Parents
The child who is always been kept away would not be able to bond with parents at some point that even if parents want to bring about changes they would not be able to connect with their child and in few cases, the child dislikes his/her parents.
Effects On The Child Who Is Favoured
What looks rosy is not always as bright as it seems. Having said, even the favored child goes through problems out of a home if he/she is favored too much at home. Here are a few effects that a favored child goes through
1. Too Much Is Too Bad
When parents do the mistake of showering too much love, bragging about the child and over pampering the child gets him/her used to it and when the child is deprived of that attention out of home, it ends up making the child upset and depressed.
2. Child Does Not Learn To Be Independent
There is no doubt that a child who is favored would not easily learn how to be independent. The reason being, the parents would have always kept the child in comfort and over care for the child that he or she does not turn capable to become independent enough.
3. Favored Child Struggles To Handle Rejection
Never hearing a no at home can get the child used to never hearing a no. It is not practical to not hear a no everywhere because there could be many instances where we get rejected as it is a part of life. When parents give in to everything that the child wants they do not understand the seriousness of how a child would feel on facing rejection.
[Read: Pros and Cons of Sibling Sharing a Room]
How to Deal With Favoritism In The Family As An Adult
If you have been through this long struggle of feeling disheartened with your parents favoring your sibling more than you, you must not hold on to it anymore and lookup for ways to deal with favoritism. Take a look at how well you can do it!
1. Turn Optimistic
The best way to deal with a unhappy moment is to change your thought process towards it. Having said, if is alright if you are not treated as the favourite one.
You turn optimistic and treat your own self as a favourite person. Do not let a particular pain turn you into someone you are not. Easier said than done, try and find your own way out. Do not hold grudges against your parents, they might have made a mistake, forgive them and just let it go, find peace within yourself.
2. Are You Sure What You Feel Is Right?
Do not make a judgement that your parents are being biased with you on the basis of one or two instances, make an observation for a couple of times and try to understand if it is truly being biased or is it that they are concerned about your sibling because of his or her sensitive nature of the tendency to fall sick often which is making them pay more attention to your sibling than you.
3. Do Not Turn Bitter With Your Sibling
Always have the right way of letting out your pain and frustration to the person who is contributing to making you feel that way. Do not let it out on a person who is not responsible.
You cannot hold your sibling responsible for your parent’s behavior, do not develop ill feelings or negativity for your sibling because of what you are going through as it is not in your siblings’ control to change how your parents are behaving with you. Always remember, your bond with your sibling is priceless, do not let anything hamper that bond.
4. Be Transparent With Your Parents
Whether your parents understand you or not, whether they agree or disagree with what you are feeling, it is your duty to express your concern, be sure and clear with what is disappointing you. Your parents might not agree with what you feel.
If they do not then help them recollect instances wherein you have felt left out. Do not step back from making your point. Let your parents know so that they can work on themselves or for that matter know what you are going through.
5. Let It Off Your Chest
Do not carry the burden of feeling low from within, talk about it to someone you can genuinely rely on and who can guide you in regards to how to deal with this situation. At times our close friends give us a reality check and they show us the real picture of our actions. Do not feel alone or low, you have your friends to give you their best suggestions to sail through this difficulty.
6. ‘Challenge’ The Challenge!
As you are already optimistic and are willing to feel better, take up a ‘Challenge’ and challenge yourself to turn into an independent individual who can do without an appreciation, who knows how to take up rejection in life and who knows how to take control of the situation and change your outlook in life for the good.
7. You Are In No Competition – Believe In Yourself!
The devil in your mind would always turn a positive thought into a negative one, shut the devil in your mind and listen to the angel. Understand one thing clear and loud, your parents treating you different does not mean that you have to prove it to them that you are better than your sibling or your sibling is better than you.
You simply need to still be yourself and no doubt your caliber or try and compete with your sibling, you simply have to ignore feeling this way and think of how you can better yourself.
In fact, you should love your sibling as much as your parents do and one day your parents would understand your worth looking at how you care for your sibling.
All in all, parents favoritism can totally put you off, as an adult you have to rise above these concerns and overlook parent favoritism by believing in yourself, confronting your parents and not letting it affect the relationship between your sibling and you. Do not hold back any negative feelings, forgive your parents for doing so because at the end of the day even they are bound to make mistakes as no one is perfect.
