Teenage is an extremely challenging time for both teens and parents. Their struggle for complete independence drives their entire behavior and habits. And when stability at home is disturbed by parental separation or divorce the complexities worsen further. So we have some ideas on how to tell your teenager you are getting a divorce. As more than the divorce, the teens would be worried about the identity crisis; that is whom do they belong. Its how the parents tell the kids that makes a great difference. If the news is unleashed in a subtle and peaceful way the divorce may not bring in sour feelings and anguish in teens. Be reassuring and supportive with the teens and don’t wash your dirty linen in front of them. Teens must know what has happened will stay and there is nothing that can undo the decision. The quicker they absorb this the better it is for them.
How to tell your teenager you are getting a divorce:
Telling your teenager you are getting a divorce is not easy. It make make the situation more worse as teens have hormonal upswings often which makes them emotionally unstable. Some ideas on how to tell your teenager you are separating can help in making this heartbreaking news, a little more peaceful in explaining:
1- Share the news earlier than at least a week ahead of your divorce hearing:
Do no involve teens in blame game banters, but try and speak with them early on. The separation and divorce must not come in as a shock on the day of the actual hearing. Teens must get time to wallow and be prepared for the further course of action. Do not hide anything important and disclose everything. They must know what they need to know. The more time they get, the easier it gets for them to adjust with this change. Teens need time to process as their life will be changed drastically post divorce. Be sure to tell them the plan, how the custody of the child goes and how both of you are ready to parent the child even post divorce. Be ready to answer their questions and do not impose anything on them rather listen to them for how they feel
2- Be prepared for their reaction:
Teenagers react differently than younger kids, on hearing of the divorce. Teens may get more self centered on hearing of the divorce. As it is they are in constant struggle to find independence. Most often the teens have to change their place and join a different school, this makes the situation worse for they may not be prepared for this change. And a battle within begins, where teens try and avoid any communication with their parents blaming them for these changes in their lives.
3- Both the parents must be there when disclosing:
It is very important for the teens to know that both the parents are there for them. When both of you together disclose the news, it gets a little easy for the teens to process as they do understand some basics about relationships. Never blame each other in front of the kids and do not begin arguing, you must always remember you just need to make the teens understand that this decision is the best for everyone. Everyone must be on same page to understand and pass through this phase
4- Be reassuring:
A divorce is not just one person’s fault and the teens must not consider themselves to the those. Be reassuring as teens may begin to feel out of place and unwanted. Parents must be reassuring and supporting the teens, show their love and care will not be affected no matter what. The more you show how important the teens are the better it will be for emotional well being of the teens.
5- Tell them the plan ahead:
How and where the teens will stay and how the dynamics function, is what will make all the difference. The most important part of how to tell a teenager you are getting a divorce is to show them the future course of action. Also allow the teens to express their concerns and be sure to answer them in very precise ways. You must tell them that both of you are ready to parent the child despite the situation and its the happiness and health of the teen which matters the most. Also tell them how the types of custody issues go about, and when will the teen stay with which parent. Or if you are considering joint custody , the how you think of proceeding.
6- Be sure to give ample time to the teens, to adjust:
Adjustment may take a while so telling them early helps in settling down in routine. Teens must not feel left out with the divorce. The visitation and custody details must be explained explicitly and also be open to any disagreements. Be patient and the teens did not sign up for this situation. They are made to be a part of something they feel awful about so giving ample time helps in transition
7- Be sure not to take away the faith in relationships:
The teens must not feel anytime, that marriages don’t work and relationships are bad. Whatever the situation is, be sure to tell the kids how important a relationship is. You may not have succeed but a marriage is what completes a family. The more the teens learn these facts the better is gets for their future relationships.
8- Do not blame each other behind:
Teens must not be made a scapegoat of arguments. Never tell the teens reasons for the divorce. They may not be prepared yet. Also never blame or speak ill about each other with your kids, you never know what impact it has on their emotional situations
The above compilation on How to tell your teenager you are getting a divorce is to help all the parents in this situation. Teenage is a time when parental divorce can cause more harm than ever. Kids are in a constant battle for independence and identity. A divorce in family can ruin their belief and faith in themselves. They need reassurance and support of both the parents for a less painful transition.
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