As a parent, you are the first friend of your child. You spend much of your time talking to your kids. Then, do you ever wonder why do they seem to not listen to you sometimes? Like every other parent, you would also wonder – how should you talk to your child? Parents often face this dilemma.
The way you talk to your kid has a huge impact on their ability to listen to you or others and learn. Sometimes in a heated moment, you struggle to realize what needs to be said in order to stop fighting with the child. There are moments when you are not able to answer a tough question.
Every parent wants to constantly model their child, want them to behave and act the way they want sometimes for the sake of society. A lot of times, you are forced to scold your child to follow your instructions, but fail miserably fail. You are right in thinking that it is your onus to teach them and enforce the rules. But, you must know that kids will learn from your actions. You are their first source of knowledge for them. And the more you are used to scolding or being rude to them, do not be too much in shock if you hear or see them doing the same.
How to Communicate with your Children?
Why is talking to kids so hard? The question that you must ask yourself is – Does your child understand and received the same message that you thought you have passed on? If you think the answer to this question is yes and, you assumed that they understood, then why do they fail to do what you asked for many times?
There are generally three different ways in which parents communicate with their children.
First is the aggressive way in which parents deal with kids. Such parents resort to yelling, using attacking words or threaten the child. The children as well respond in many different ways to this behavior – many of them feel fearful, few yell back at them or others or might ignore that parents constant orders.
The second type of parenting is the one where the parents are in their passive form. The parents are very cautious while talking to their children and use mutter soft words. They use a very low tone towards that kid but end up finding that the kids walk all over them. Unfortunately, this leads the passes parents to be aggressive in communication sometimes.
The third category of parent’s communication with the kid is in an assertive way. A firm, consultant, A firm, consistent, warm, clear, positive and a confident way. The style of communication with the kid is indeed a skill as it shows to your children that the parents know what they are talking about and makes the kids want to listen to them.
How to Talk in a way to Get your Children to Listen?
Thus, we said that talking to kids is a skill. But what are the ways to talk, so your kids will listen? Nothing is magical but, only sensible and logical tips for you to get children to listen to you.
1. Call your Child’s name:
You are more attentive then you listen to your name. Similarly, for your kids, it helps them to concentrate and do one thing at a time. The best way to go about it is to call your child’s name continuously until you have their attention. Only once you have their attention, you must speak. For example, “Tim….. (Wait until he stops playing with the ball and turns to look at you) can you please get me the bottles from the backyard?”
2. Connect with your Child:
Making eye contact while conversing is very important to mark that the person has understood your talks. Similarly, follow the same with your child such that when you are chatting with them; look into their eyes to grab the attention. This is a very important way to get children to listen to you. When you give any instructions, make sure you get a response from your child.
3. Always use Positive Language:
Your kid is observing you every single minute even if you think they are busy doing something else. Try to be a role model for maintaining your calm. Do not use negative words like “No”, “Don’t”, “Never”. For instance, “Never put that down again”, “Don’t run inside the house”, “No jumping on the couch”. Instead, try using words positively by telling them what they need to do. Like – “Run outside the house” or “Please walk inside the house”, “Sit on the couch” etc. Do not use words which would ridicule them as “You are a bad boy” or “Stop being a crybaby”. Such language only makes the kid feel worthless and ashamed. Instead, praise them and encourage them to be more successful and do the right thing. You can always resort to using positive words like “I like the way you have arranged your books on the shelf”,
4. Be open to Suggestions and Alternative:
When the kids are grown, they want to be more and more independent. The best way to go about it would be to give options and suggest alternatives to not hurt their self-esteem. Let’s be honest, nobody likes to take orders. Hence the most important things to deal with your kids such that they listen to you would be to offer choices. For example – “What would you like to wear today? The black leather jacket or the blue long coat?” This way the kid feels authoritative of his own dressing and also agrees with you. Another example could be “You can’t take out the paint right now but could you draw with a pencil instead”.
5. Do Not overload with Instructions:
After all, he is just a little boy. You cannot expect him to listen to a series of instructions and adhere all of it. Start giving one instruction at a time and let them complete it successfully before moving on to the next one. Gradually increase from one to two instructions and see if the child is able to cope up. For example, the first stage should be- “Wash your hands” after completion, “Sit for dinner”. Later on, you can club the both by saying “Please wash your hands and come for dinner”. In case you get a blank tab from the kid that hints you to take it slow.
6. Do not Nag:
Nobody loves nagging. We understand that you have to give instructions to your kid but, it could be reminded in a way that it does not sound like nagging. For example, if you want your kid to tidy their room after school every day, you might want to make it fun by writing it on a sticky note or on the kid’s personal whiteboard as a reminder. This way they feel positive about doing it and your point of constant reminder are also solved. You can also make a chart for the kid to follow as a routine every day. They feel more responsible when they are left on their own to complete their task.
